I’m really familiar with this disconnect.

I’ve lived within it much of my life.

growing up, through my college years, my relationship with body, health, & self

felt like a fight between who I am and who I want to be.

it started as a kid, when I dealt with horrible heartburn.

luckily, routine skin testing at 8 years old revealed a likely cause: allergy to wheat.

once I stopped eating wheat products, my heartburn largely resolved.

what a helpful understanding!

this was a simple fix, unlike many other parts of my health journey.

In middle school, after quitting competitive gymnastics, my relationship with food and body became challenging.

I started restricting, sneaking, and obsessing over food. through most of college, I felt too much shame to talk about this struggle with anyone.

I remember going to the campus therapist, sharing my tumultuous relationship with food and body, and feeling totally misunderstood, like I was crazy or weird. tor years I believed this would be my lifelong “Achilles heal.”

In high school I was misdiagnosed with exercise-induced asthma and prescribed an inhaler.

later on in medical school, I discovered the real cause of my shortness of breath: hyperventilation syndrome caused by underlying anxiety, stress, perfectionism.

It took an understanding of the mindbody connection to untangle these distressing symptoms. hindsight is 20/20.

In college, I started getting sharp pain in my hip.

the campus doctor broke the news: I was walking too fast and too long. I needed to shorten my strides.

at the time, my interpretation was, I just love walking fast! I love being efficient!

after journeying back into my body, I now understand the root cause of this dysfunction was a chronic state of hypervigilance. the compulsive need to rush, never waste time, and be at my utmost best was placing my system into a harmful state of chronic stress (Perfectionism, again).

also in college, during an emotional chapter, and after some international travel, I had worsening symptoms of adult acne, mood swings, fatigue, and digestive issues.

I was back to eating wheat, and my relationships with food, body, and nervous system were so stressful.

I didn’t know how to take care of myself, and this disconnect was taking its toll on my health, physically and mentally.

when I got to medical school, my new doctor misdiagnosed me with PCOS and gave me a prescription for birth control to suppress my acne.

I was so frustrated! I knew I didn’t have a birth control deficiency—I knew something underneath was contributing to my symptoms.

I wanted to actually heal, not block the messages my body was giving me.

It was through the rest of medical school that I finally learned about the missing link in ALL of my lifelong struggles:

the nervous system.

I learned about how evolutionary mismatch—the adaptive and maladaptive ways our systems respond to the unique stressors of modern living—had played a role in my chronic stress response and dysregulation of body systems, leading to physical symptoms.

I learned about how my patterned behaviors in response to stressors (internal and external) had been perpetuating my internal hypervigilance and urgency, inhibiting my body’s innate ability to heal and repair, and contributing to my overall experience of dis-ease.

I could have (and many people do!) used this understanding to blame and shame myself (“how stupid—I’m causing my own symptoms!”).

Instead, I took this understanding my of nervous system and discovered deeper self compassion. I saw all the ways my body has worked to keep me secure and comfortable. This was the start of the unraveling of all of those stuck patterns.

as I continue deepening into an embodied way of living and caring for myself, I continue finding new levels of wellbeing.

Since I’ve learned how my body works and how to nourish my nervous system:

my skin is clear.

my digestion is healthy.

my periods are less painful, more pleasurable.

when symptoms arise, I understand how to return to balance.

I eat what I want, when I want, in ways that support my energy and intentions.

best of all, my relationship with myself has become one of more and more connection, creativity, and pleasure.

I am better able to rest.

I’m more focused and effective at work.

more available to serve people in a genuine way.

I don’t think about work, success, and achievement 24/7.

I allow myself to play, daily, enjoying being alive without guilt.

I express myself more fully in relationships and in my creative process.

I honor my body, with compassionate awareness of hunger and fullness cues, energy and fatigue, pain and other messages from my body.

I live more in rhythm—giving space to the feminine in me desiring movement and leading from my heart and making art. my wellbeing is not perfect (there’s no such thing) but it’s completely different than it used to be.

the portal into this new, beautiful way of being begins with your relationship with your own body—learning what it needs, what causes its dis-ease, how to support its natural impulse to return to center, to healing, to vitality.